Are you a People Pleasing RDH?

Here's 5 Professional Boundaries You Need to Avoid Burnout!

I know its painful, but take a minute and think back to when you were in Hygiene School...

and now try and tell me that these descriptions do not apply to you... (hint: I'm being sarcastic)

Over-Acheiver, Over-Doer, Over-Giver

Of Course this is you... its US!  (or at least the majority of us) 

This is how we got accepted into hygiene school in the first place!  We had to be these things!  We can't just turn it off!

Ok, so for the sake of this article and the fact that I am not a psychologist, I'm going to briefly touch on how we may have become a people pleaser in the first place and how its causing burnout in our profession.

According to the ADHA in an article in RDHMag, only 5.6% of RDHs are male, leaving almost 96% of our profession female.  This is important to know, why?  Because think about the male versus female career benefit opportunities that females have been fighting for equal rights since, well, forever. 

So, since our profession is mostly female, that means there could be some residual female brainwashing within our profession that could be what is hindering our growth in private practice chairside, and the career benefits we actually deserve.  If we feel we are being short-changed benefits within our career, that will welcome burnout. 

How many of you were raised with the sayings... 

Be a good girl; Be nice; Smile; 

Say Sorry (when you didn't do anything wrong);

Don't be sad/mad;

That's not very ladylike

These short and sweet sentences (and other statements) began forming our ideas of what it meant to be female when we were young, and then carried us into adulthood, and for some of us, right into our career (our female dominated career).

If these statements are engrained in our subconscious and we haven't done the personal work to grow, then how can we bargain for what we want in our career without feeling like we are being too pushy?

• Why do we feel if we share our preferences and desires we are burdening the doctor (who is generally male although many females have stepped into that role)?
• Why do we have trouble at times holding our boundary with our office team?
• Why do some patients treat us poorly?

Refer to those "short & sweet" statements above!

ENTER BURNOUT!  

We get burned out when we people please, over-do, and over-give, without appreciation received, without acknowledgement, and MOST IMPORTANTLY without listening to our own feelings.  We are left feeling resentful towards others and dishonest with ourselves, at the expense of our own mental health.  So let's stop that; For ourselves and for ALL women in our profession!

5 PROFESSIONAL BOUNDARIES YOU NEED

Are you a Prima-Donna or just true to your boundaries?  There is a difference, but chances are you may fear being called a Prima-Donna (a label tossed around in our profession by other team members) just by simply standing up for yourself.  KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

Think about when the front office squeezes an extra patient in, or you are not given enough time for that SRP, or you want to discuss a raise with the doctor... HOW DO YOU FEEL?  Our feelings are the radar system of the body telling you what is true for you, identifies if someone is plowing through one of your boundaries, and gives insights into knowing if you're letting them. 

The following list is a good start to understanding which boundaries you NEED within your career with patients, your employer, and your team, AND upholding them for your mental/emotional wellbeing.

1. Be discerning of yourself, your patients, and your team Discernment means the ability to judge well.  Can you appropriately judge your own feelings? Do you trust your own inner knowing and feelings so as to make the correct decisions for yourself? Can you be an observer of how your team reacts and responds to each other and to you? Notice if other collegues in your office have boundary issues by how they respond to you and to others.
2. Get-off the YES-auto-pilot ride Give yourself time before you answer instead of saying yes right away. This is hard to do if you are a people pleaser and have a hard time maintaining boundaries with others.  If your instinct as a people pleaser is to say yes right away, then I would like to encourage you to simply say "let me check on that and get back to you".  Then take time alone with your thoughts to notice how you would feel if you said yes, and if you said no.  Ask yourself if you would feel resentful if you say yes.  Because everything is energy including thoughts, saying yes will only inject negative emotion into the situation and won't effectively help anyone. 
3. Understand NO is a complete sentence and you have a right to say no without obligation to explain.  This too is hard for the people pleaser.  We feel we must follow up with a detailed explanation of why we said no so that we don't make the other person feel bad.  I encourage you to say something like "no I can't because I have other priorities".  You're not lying because YOU and YOUR FEELINGS are the other priorities. There that's it! 
4. Start wearing a Badge of Courage Have the courage to authentically ask for what you want, to share your preferences and needs, regardless of what the other person may say or do.  If you are fearful of what the other person's response may be, or you hold an expectation of what they should feel or say, then you are not giving them the proper space to hold their own boundary.  This is a two way street. If you don't ask then the answer is always no, so have courage.  When you put on your uniform in the morning, metaphorically put on that badge of courage for the day too!
5. Understand the difference between the 3 C's: compliance, confrontation, and compatibility  Are you being seen and heard in your office or are you just compliant, sacrificing yourself so that you don't rock the boat?  Compliance is going along with something you don't necessarily want to go along with!  There is a difference between confrontation and staying true to your own boundary.  Confrontation is what happens between people who have a hard time with holding their own boundaries OR crossing over other's boundaries. If you are trying to communicate with someone who feels confrontational, simply say you need a break and will come back when things can calm down.  Compatibility, in regards to creating boundaries, is having effective communication, being respectful, and finding a compromise within the topic at hand.  Each person feels sufficiently appreciated without fear of obligation or guilt.  Within your team and with your employer, do you feel you work in an environment that is compatible for you?  Just like any personal relationship you have, being compatible in your professional relationships is highly important for career longevity and success. If your office is not compatible for you, then "breaking up" may be neccessary.  Not all relationships are meant to last forever.

Because of the general small size of a dental office, team members can begin to feel like family.  We all know about family love AND family dysfunction.  None of us are free of that. Just like in families, people pleasing takes place and boundaries can be crossed within our profession.  

And we can begin to start saying good bye to career burnout!